he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
