Swine flu. Run for my life!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
