he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
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How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
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Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
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