the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
So apparently I’m into choking now
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
