Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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