I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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