so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
