Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Is Oprah even human
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
