So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
