i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Congratulations! We have a period
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