I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
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