That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
