Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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