i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
