I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
