I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
