If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
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I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
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I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
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