i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Redeem this text for a blowjob
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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