you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
