Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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