What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize
