We're facebook friends in real life
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Randomize
