i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
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Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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