Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
