so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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