listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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