My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
