I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
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I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize