Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
NoShamevember. You game?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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