This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
