who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
