i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
