There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize