Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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