Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Randomize
