when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
