I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
