did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
its liver damage thursday
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
