He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
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Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
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Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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