Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
