I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
