omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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