I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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