i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
