you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
