I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
