Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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