i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
