I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
