MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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