its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
