Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." π ππ·
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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