there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
how does that bad decision feel?
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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