dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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