You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
