Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
