He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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