with your own penis?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
