i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
