Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
