I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
We need to get me chipped asap
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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