Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
